Dreaded bird poop

There are few things as annoying as birds pooping on your nice clean boat. It’s particularly distressing when they choose your expensive, dark coloured, Sunbrella canvas work to do it on. Clean up is tedious and there’s a real danger of permanent staining. So, what can you do about it?

Have you noticed how some boats are targeted by birds and others aren’t? I’ve walked around many marinas in my time and I’ve always been struck by how some boats attract birds and others don’t. I’m told that once a group of birds selects your boat as their privy they’ll keep coming back to your boat, to the exclusion of neighbouring boats, until something changes. No-one seems to know precisely why one boat is selected over another but it seems that once one bird has pooped this gives the signal to the others to follow suit. Clearly, if you’re near habitat that supports birds you stand a greater chance of becoming a convenience than if you’re located well away from a bird-friendly environment. So, don’t be a victim. If you’re a chosen one, clean the boat meticulously and move to another berth.

For the most part the birds sit on your spreaders and boom and drop their gifts from on high. Sometimes they’ll stand on the boat rail or spray hood and crap but that seems a less frequent procedure. So, it’s important to make perching on your appendages difficult. One way to do this is to run a length of fishing line – I actually use old fly fishing lines – from mast to topping lift, about a foot above the boom. You don’t need to add pieces of ribbon or, heaven forbid, old CDs, it’s the line that prevents them landing.
That saves your boom cover from boom perchers but you still need to tackle the messages from higher up. A line running from mast to shroud a few inches above each spreader works well. On smaller boats it’s a good idea to stow your halyards in clips half way along the spreaders – I guess the smaller area for perching is less desirable.
If you don’t give much of a damn for flag etiquette it works to have flags hoisted on port and starboard flag halyards – the flapping puts the little crappers off. At the masthead a burgee is effective. Other masthead deterrents include a VHF whip antenna and a spike on your Windex – standard on the Davis model. One thing that doesn’t deter birds are those bottle brush type lightning dissipaters; I’ve seen a bird nesting in one!
The triatic stay on ketches can be a problem and I can see no easy solution. Perhaps a fishing line running along above it, or flags suspended from it? Or just do away with the triatic stay altogether and stand a better chance of keeping one of your spars in place if you’re dismasted. A bit drastic, perhaps.

On power boats with full length stainless tube safety rails you get unwelcome perching. In a marina in Majorca I saw a large power boat on which cable ties were wrapped around the rails every few inches with the tag ends pointing up. A deck hand told me it worked well but it certainly looked like sh…,err, the thing we’re trying to prevent.

Last, and definitely least, are the rubber snakes, lizards, alligators or what have you intended to scare off birds. In my dock walking research the incidence of guanoed boats with a snake lying in the cockpit suggests that they aren’t an effective deterrent – they may even be attractors.

Of course, the best deterrent of all is to keep moving – birds can’t hit a moving target – so, if you needed another excuse to go full time cruising, this is it.
I’m not even going to mention a shotgun.